Not surprisingly, I tend to blog most often when things seem to be improving, or when they've settled somewhat, at least. I don't want to focus on just the challenging aspects of being a new parent, after all. I try to keep things in perspective; Elias is doing really well, after all, even through what sometimes feels like a twilight zone of reflux, spit-up, potential food allergies, and lack of sleep.
But while we're in the midst of it all, I thought I'd throw together a quick update (yep, Elias is finally napping, after three returns to the crib to lull him back to sleep each time). In the two weeks since we met with the GI doctor, we have noticed a net improvement, so to speak, in the "two steps forward, one step back" sort of way. He's still spitting up a fair amount, after just about every feeding, but the volume has slowly decreased and the general discomfort has eased up a bit. But he's still had some bad spells and, more mysteriously, has continued to have blood in his stool off an on through late last week. I'm not sure what to chalk that up to. The fact that Neal gives him a bottle each morning with milk I pumped two or three days before kind of complicates things, so who knows, maybe the egg protein took awhile to get out of his system. After a few days free of red-streaked diapers, though, we decided to throw soy back into the mix. I enjoyed some soymilk with my cereal on Sunday morning, followed by a sandwich for lunch on bread (milk-free, soy-free, AND egg-free bread is incredibly hard to find), and a turkey burger for dinner on a hamburger bun (same deal as the bread; my bread alternatives have generally included mini bagels, pita bread, and wheat wraps). He seemed to be a little crankier than usual and by the end of Sunday was experiencing a bit of diarrhea, but we still weren't seeing any blood in his diapers, so Monday morning I again had soymilk with my cereal. By yesterday afternoon, however, it was pretty undeniable that he was reacting poorly to the return of soy in his diet. His spit-up had once again morphed into near projectile vomiting and he had a couple of red-streaked poopy diapers.
Eggs? Check. Soy? Check. Sigh.
Neal and I spent awhile before the next feeding considering our options. We could make the switch to formula based on concluding that he is sensitive to at least two ingredients that are in lots of stuff. Or we could continue to breastfeed, taking soy back out, and, on the slim chance that he's not sensitive to dairy, reintroduce a little milk after his symptoms clear up again and go from there. I feel like we've come this far, I'd like to know whether or not dairy - probably the one thing I'd least like to cut from my diet - is a problem. Even though I'd previously decided that if it turned out to be multiple food allergies, I'd probably switch to formula, I underestimated how strong the urge to continue breastfeeding at just about any cost would be. Eggs and soy would be difficult, but considering he seems to be doing fine with soy lecithin and oil back in my diet (and it's the soy fat - not the protein, the allergy culprit - that's in just about everything), if I could also have dairy, I think the joys and benefits of breastfeeding would, in that case, outweigh the frustration of the limited diet...at least for a little while longer.
In the meantime, not knowing how long it will take my body to process and be done with the soy I had up until yesterday afternoon, we gave him a few bottles of milk I'd pumped before soy was thrown back into the mix. That was tough, and brings up another potential issue that I hadn't even really considered. If we decide to switch to formula it might be tricky to get him to take bottles all the time, from both of us. I'm sure he'll adapt, if that's what we decide to do, but last night was a potential preview of what might be in our future. The 4 a.m. bottle was more difficult than the one I gave him right before he went to bed. It took several attempts, lots of reassurance, and I'm sure I'm projecting my own emotions about all of this onto him, but I couldn't help but think he looked just a little confused from time to time, when he'd open his eyes and look up at me. Wait a second, where's the boob? I don't know if I can put into words the way I've felt over the past few days, with the possibility of weaning way earlier than I'd hoped becoming more and more real. Even feeling a new sense of frustration lately, as we've awkwardly been transitioning from the supported positions of the early breastfeeding days that he's quickly outgrowing to the classic cradle hold, which looks a lot easier and more comfortable than it is, breastfeeding has a crazy powerful hold on me. And of course I want to do what's best for my kid, not jump to a decision that will affect the way he eats over the next nine months because I'd really like to indulge in a cupcake. It'll be hard to wean whether it's in the next couple of weeks or in a year, but I think I've realized one of the main reasons this whole process has been so difficult is because I never even considered for a minute that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. For at least a year. It's like childbirth in general - you think you have control over what's going to happen, with your detailed birth plan and prenatal classes, but ultimately, the way that event unfolds can be a lot different than you'd imagined.
Anyway, I could go on, but you get the idea, I'm sure. I will, as usual, keep you all updated.
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