Elias is fast approaching his two month birthday, which is pretty hard to believe. It's true what people tell you when you first have a baby and you're in the thick of it, those first few crazy weeks - they really do become a blur as you look back. The two-month mark will probably be a blur by the time we hit three months, and so on. We have friends who recently added a wee member to their family and I remember thinking a few months ago that at 7-8 weeks postpartum by the time they had their baby we'd be old pros at this game. Here are some things we've learned - and learned to ignore - over the past couple of months (based on "anti-advice" Neal sent the new parents and gave me permission to "re-print" here):
1. Sleep when the baby sleeps - This is great advice... assuming that the baby sleeps. If you've been keeping up on Becky's blog (this here blog that you're reading right now) you'll know that this is not always the case. Even by the calculations of most "authoritative" books, babies don't have that much time during the day for sleep. They say babies should eat 8-12 times a day for the first couple of weeks (make that months). But breastfeeding can take from 30 minutes to 1 hour, especially in the beginning. And yet the books also recommend that babies should have about 16 hours of sleep a day (typical self-contradictory advice: never wake a sleeping baby VS don't let your baby go longer than 4 hours without feeding him). Let's pause to consider this. At the upper end, you may be feeding your baby 12 hours during the day, and then he is supposed to be asleep for the rest of the...um ...16. So every second that your baby is not feeding he will be asleep. Congrats if this is the case for you guys.
Lack of sleep certainly sucks, but I actually found that, with all of the stresses and uncertainties of newborn care, it was not high on my list of worries.
2. Relax and don't try to get things done - Regardless of your intention to devote your full time to the baby and not "get things done," there are some things that you have to get done: eating, going to the bathroom, showering, washing baby paraphernalia. And then less essential things that you'll probably want to do occasionally: calling relatives and friends, checking email, doing your usual chores. So many of the books advised that we should just "let the dishes pile up." But how is having to wash a huge mound of dishes after 3 days much better than washing a few dishes after each meal? And you know when a great time to do these things is: when the baby sleeps. Don't feel guilty if you want to "get stuff done."
3. Breastfeeding Uber Alles - Everybody who says breastfeeding is hard is right. If it makes you absolutely miserable, please peruse this handy article. But don't switch to formula without trying a nipple shield first. $5 at Babies R Us. Some experts poo-poo them (they inhibit milk flow, create bad habits, yadda yadda yadda), but they can be miracle products (for a while at least).
Basically, what I've come to feel is that most of the guidelines and admonitions forced on parents by the baby industrial complex are there to give you something to focus on while you learn how to take care of the individual needs of your very unique baby. One piece of GOOD advice I read was that if your newborn is still alive after the first 2 weeks you've done a great job.
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