Kindergarten - part 1 (of many)

We have a rising 1st grader on our hands! School starts on Monday so I thought it was high time I write about Elias' first year of "real school." I was going to write one epic, photo-heavy post but have decided instead to write a multi-part series of posts all about Kindergarten. First up, first day:

Obligatory posed pictures solo and with various family members:

Elias has changed and grown quite a bit in the past year, but man, so has his little sister!

The entire fam' accompanied Elias to school that first day:

We lingered after drop-off for a few additional shots - his cubby for the year:

Elias at his seat, waiting for his first day to begin:

He moved groups once or twice over the course of the year. Overall that first day wasn't nearly as emotional for me, or for him, for that matter, as I thought it might be. And that doesn't surprise me, about Elias at least. So far he's been very matter-of-fact when it comes to transitions like this, not getting too emotional about the transition from daycare to preschool, or from preschool to Kindergarten. He talks about past teachers and buddies often but just isn't that sad to move on. And frankly, neither was I. Our last couple of months of preschool were a little rough around the edges. We worried that the transition to Kindergarten would be a difficult 6 to 8 week period not unlike his first couple of months of preschool, but in hindsight I think Elias was acting out at preschool because he was bored and ready to move on. But more about the first weeks of Kindergarten in my next post...

a boy and his dog

I realize I haven't written much in the way of more developmental posts about Elias since Daphne came along - lots of we went here, we did this posts, while Daphne gets all the she's doing this and that posts! I guess much of that kind of thing will be in the epic Kindergarten update. But one thing that's happened over the past six months or so that I've been wanting to write about is an intense attachment to one of Elias's many stuffed animals or snuggle buddies, as we call them. He's rotated through a few favorite snuggle buddies by now: there's his Taggies blanket that he's slept with since he was a baby. Other notable stuffed animals include a small Rudolph he got from Grandma Joanne for Christmas when he was 2 1/2. He toted Rudolph around for a long time, well into preschool, with many pictures taken where you can spot Rudolph tucked under his arm. Rudolph was eventually replaced by a medium sized dog purchased at Ikea named Caden after Elias's friend's Zack's brother (you follow that?). Then there was Bear Bear, one of the very first teddy bears he got - actually a bear that we got before he was born. Anyway, at some point this school year Elias switched to a small brown dog given to me while pregnant with Elias by a friend of mine from grad school. Elias calls him Doge. At least, that's how I like to spell it. It's a little like "doggie" meets "Douggy". I like to think this is a bit of that zeitgeist thing working on a 5 year old level.

Doge's first movie theater movie.

So intense is this attachment to Doge that he accompanies Elias everywhere, even to school, which is forbidden but hasn't been an issue I guess because of his tiny size. Elias typically keeps Doge in his backpack, cubby, or pocket. Once he thought he'd lost Doge and apparently that turned into a classroom effort to find him, which they did. And I'm repeatedly amazed at how respectful other kids are of Elias's attachment. Occasionally I'll notice Elias toss Doge down from the play structure to be temporarily held by another kid, but they always give him back. For now, at least.

Doge goes to the dog park! We were there for a bike ride/run but the irony was not lost on me.

And classmates will definitely attend a birthday party thrown for a stuffed animal, it turns out! When Elias first told us Doge was turning 2, on the second day of spring, I thought, oh, that's sweet. Oddly specific, and sort of inaccurate considering we've had Doge since before Elias was born, but sweet. Then he decided he wanted to have a party for Doge. Initially I thought, that's a little nutty but I guess we can celebrate as a family. Why not, right? But when Elias started telling me about how he wanted the party to be super hero themed and that he wanted party guests to bring their snuggle buddies, I thought, well what's the harm in what is essentially a play date with cupcakes? So that's what we did and it was pretty fun, I have to admit.

Daddy helped decorate.

Doge supervises party prep.

Mommy baked cupcakes with blue frosting and red sprinkles for Superman's colors, of course.

Little sister wore a party dress and dug every aspect of these shenanigans.

Friends were invited and encouraged to bring their own favorite snuggle buddies.

One of his female friends even made Doge a sparkly cape from one of her mom's old earrings.

Halfway through Spring, Doge is still the alpha snuggle buddy around here. Elias has explained to us that Doge's 3rd birthday is the first day of summer - same as his! - I guess this is stuffed dog birthdays according to a 5 year old. But I think one birthday party for a stuffed animal is probably enough, and anyway, he can celebrate with Elias on his 6th birthday. Anyway, while a little nutty, we'll certainly continue to encourage this "softer side" of an otherwise increasingly rambunctious big boy!

pretty darn lucky

At this point, I'm relying on the insane amount of pictures I take on a weekly basis to remind me of how behind I am on my mama blogging duties! I'm still working on one great big Kindergarten update; at this point it'll include events and images from the entire year. And I think I've unofficially decided, nearly three months into her second year, that I'm no longer doing the monthly updates for Daphne. I think I kept up with monthly blog posts for Elias until his second birthday and that second batch was hard then - it feels virtually impossible now. So I'll do my best to update this blog moving forward based on holidays, events, and other notable (or at least heavily photographed) shenanigans.

For St. Patrick's Day a couple of years ago we managed a photobooth session complete with festive props. This year we focused our alcohol-free energies on food, with a special edition of "breakfast for dinner" - corned beef hash with green pancakes (green because of several cups of spinach used in the batter, spinach that you could hardly taste).

Both kids dug it, especially the green pancakes...the corned beef hash a little less so.

For dessert (as if those pancakes weren't enough), I made avocado pie. I've made it before and it was just as yummy this time. It basically tastes like a very mild key lime pie (which is weird considering you use several lemons, not limes).

Daphne was a fan. Actually, she's definitely the more adventurous eater at the moment while Elias is going through a bit of a picky phase. Case in point: Neal made arroz con pollo last night with the dutch oven he bought me for our anniversary (we celebrated nine years earlier this month - ceramic!) and Elias eventually had a few bites while Daphne devoured an entire bowl!

And in other news, shared here because it's green, a picture of our lovely little succulent out front that surprisingly (to us, anyway) blossomed earlier this year! We've been tackling a lot of projects around the house lately, mostly finishing up what we started when I was pregnant with Daphne. As anyone who owns a home (or anyone who is at liberty to "home improve" a rental space) knows, the list of projects seems endless. I know I'll never feel done but I'd like to feel caught up on things we've started in the nearly four years we've lived in this house. Four years is also the longest I've ever lived in one physical location, so I think my itchy feet with no move on the horizon is translating into this crazy nesting phase.

About a month ago, I tinkered in Elias's room a bit more (you can read about the initial make-over here) and you can read all about it on my craftier blog. And this week, about a year and a half after painting several swatches, I'm painting the bathrooms (we're going with Sherwin Williams' "Svelte Sage" in both the main bathroom and 1/2 bath in our room which, ironically, is not one of the three swatches we've lived with for the past 18 months! It's the color between the two brighter greens, added a few weeks ago).

Up next, the kitchen, which currently sports the same institutional green that's in the bathrooms. The kitchen make-over will also - hopefully, eventually - include a built-in play kitchen for Daphne.

Stay tuned. Although, at the rate I've been getting around to finishing projects, I wouldn't exactly hold my breath if I were you!

Wacky Wednesdays - North Berkeley

One benefit of having Daphne in part-time daycare that I'd been really looking forward to, as I mentioned in my last post, is having some one-on-one time with Elias each week. That is obviously one of the challenges of having more than one kid, especially when your first kid is so old by the time any siblings come along - how to carve out some time for each of them. And I may not be able to keep this up indefinitely, assuming/hoping work picks up over the next few months, but for the time-being Wednesday afternoons are a chance for Elias and I to enjoy some mama-son adventures around the Bay Area. He's at such a fun age for these kinds of shenanigans, too, still enjoying my company (only because Dad is not an option at that time!) and old enough to do so many fun things. Of course a couple of Wednesdays have been botched due to illness of one family member or another, and a couple of afternoons were used to see movies, but the idea is to do things that we can't easily do with little sister in tow for the couple of hours between school getting out and daycare pick-up.

Like slide down the concrete slide at Cordonices Park a dozen times...

...walk around the rose garden across the street (not a lot of roses in bloom this time of year but the view was spectacular)...

...and enjoy a cool treat at Lush Gelato in Berkeley! So fun. Stay tuned for more adventures!

PS - the top pic is at a froyo place in Alameda following a Wednesday afternoon matinee of the Lego movie. Little did I know there was a popcorn kernel in his ear! And yes, we may just have to end each of these Wacky Wednesday afternoons with some kind of sweet treat!

goodbye winter, hello spring

It doesn't seem like I'm too behind on blogging but oh my, what a busy year 2014 has been so far! Where to begin in order to catch up? How about the hope that the cold & flu season is just about over? Elias has actually had a decent winter, knock on wood. He's had a couple of stomach bugs and several minor colds but has managed to not miss any school because of it, getting over bugs by the end of the weekend and those two stomach bugs happening during Thanksgiving and winter breaks. The only time he's even been tardy was to remove a popcorn kernel that had been in his ear for a week.

Yep, a week. Apparently he found a popcorn kernel after science class on a Tuesday. Popped it in his ear, it fell out. Repeated that two times but on the third try, the popcorn kernel did not pop out. When asked why he took so long to tell us, his response was along the lines of not wanting to miss out on Wednesday afternoon plans. Since Daphne goes to part-time daycare now, and Wednesday is early pick-up from school, that has become our one-on-one time (more about "wacky Wednesdays" in a future post) and that particular Wednesday we had planned to see the Lego movie - second time for him, first time for me. I think he honestly forgot after that until it likely began to bug him a bit. But apparently this is only an emergency situation if there is pain, bleeding, and/or fever. He had none of those symptoms so I took him to the doctor the next morning, after getting little sis' to daycare. It took the better part of that morning and then I dropped him off at school for the rest of the day.

Daphne came down with a nasty bug that night so that was the end of that particular work-week. She was really down for the count for a full week, with stomach bug-like symptoms and fever for about three days, then just not quite herself for another 3 or 4 days ... her worst virus yet. But this kind of thing is obviously bound to happen, especially now that she's in daycare.

Anyway, there were a lot of naps on my shoulder - it felt a little like having a newborn again - and beloved bear lovey (sometimes both bear loveys - she has one for home, one for daycare) did not leave her side for the first few days. As soon as she recovered I came down with one of the worst colds I've had in years and I'm still recovering, over two weeks later! Ugh. It's that time of year, I guess!

PS - that picture above is "enhanced" by Google +. It's from a few months ago, but seemed appropriate for this post, silly as it is (snow in Oakland?! Yeah, right.).

the budding toddler

Daphne is 1 year old! Actually, as of today she's one year, three weeks, and one day old. I was briefly on a parenting support group email list and one of the moms whose baby had recently turned 1 listed her child's age as 54 weeks. Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just say 1 year?

But anyway, that's neither here nor there. Now that Daphne is walking and has passed the one-year mark, she's officially a budding toddler. We had a small, fun, rock star-themed party to celebrate her birthday a couple of weeks ago, during which she enjoyed her first cupcakey goodness. And, like her mama, she seems to be a fan of sweet, high-fat food. Hooray!

Aw, man, now I want a cupcake...

If you want to read more about the few crafty shenanigans I managed to pull off leading up to and on the day of her party, check out my other blog - paper goods here; other party details here.

Otherwise, Daphne's twelfth month involved a sleep regression - more about that in a sec - and a lot of snot. She has basically had either one long cold or 3 or 4 separate colds that have affected her back-to-back. She has, for the most part, rolled with it, but last week she was home from what would have been her fifth and sixth days of daycare because her six-week congestion turned into an ear infection (more on the daycare transition in another post).

We also weathered her worst stretch of sleep since the newborn stage. Right after the 11-month mark her naps, never all that great to begin with (I can usually count on one decent nap out of her but getting two has always been a bit of a challenge...just like her brother!), totally fell apart. I didn't think much of it because, again, she has never been an amazing napper. Even on good days, she only sleeps about 2 1/2 hours total between two naps, when I can get that many out of her. Part of this is not her fault. Her afternoon nap is interrupted most days by the fact that we have to pick up Elias at 3, meaning she needs to be up and ready to go around 2:30. I'm hoping once she transitions to one nap, this will no longer be an issue since I can put her down a little earlier. As it is, if she takes a decent morning nap, she's not really ready for an afternoon nap until about 2, and assuming she falls right to sleep, 30 minutes just doesn't cut it.

(I know these sleep shots must seem contradictory but the reason she's sleeping in this very photogenic way during this stage is because she wasn't sleeping so well in her crib!)

So, anyway, I didn't give naps much thought. But then she started fighting bedtime. Again, not a big deal so long as she sleeps through the night. A couple of days of that and she started waking up in the middle of the night for mysterious reasons. The horror! I can handle nap and bedtime shenanigans but once you get used to sleeping through the night again, barring the occasional illness that disrupts nighttime sleep, it is really tough to deal with a stretch of bad nights. Especially when you don't know why it's happening or how long it will last. I even took her to the pediatrician after a couple of weeks thinking she might then have an ear infection since the sleep regression coincided with the congestion. Her ears were clear at the time. It may have been teething, perhaps something to do with her newfound ability to function as a biped (more below), or maybe there was really no rhyme or reason at all. I hate this expression because who wants to be told they may have no control over the situation but in this case it was definitely one of those "this too shall pass" things. It passed and I'm grateful for that.

Other than sleep and snot, the big news since her 11-month update is that she can walk! She started taking a few steps at a time right after the 11-month mark and each week she's made so much progress, walking a little further in the living room, for example, walking - not crawling - when we'd put shoes on her and take her outside, up to now, at almost 13 months, she's almost always walking. She still falls back on her bottom quite often but she rarely crawls anymore. It's pretty awesome, and I don't mean that sarcastically. On the one hand, yes, it did require some frantic baby-proofing because she can get to things a bit quicker and her center of gravity is now a bit higher. But for the most part, as with Elias at this stage (he took his first steps a little closer to his first birthday), I'll take a walker over a crawler any day. My back is already starting to recover from the endless schlepping of the first year.

And hand-in-hand with increased upright mobility seems to be a decrease in the amount of stuff she puts in her mouth. She is still a very "mouthy" kid and I still find I have to watch her like a hawk when we're at a playground, for example, but it seems to be getting a little better. More bothersome than that, though, is when she insists on walking around with something in her mouth.

This is another way little sister is quite different from her big brother. I was definitely not worrying about Elias putting small objects in his mouth nearly this much at this age. And Elias had this great combination of being both fairly coordinated for his age but also quite cautious.

Daphne is neither.

Actually, I'm honestly not sure how her coordination compares to other babies/toddlers at this age, but she is definitely a bit of a daredevil.

Parental frustrations aside, you can tell she's pretty pleased with her newfound independence and her transition from infant to toddler.

She continues to be a pretty happy girl. She gives me grief over just about any transition and is less content than usual to be in the car seat, stroller, or shopping cart, but we manage to get a few things done each week, get mama a little bit of exercise while we otherwise hang out at home or at music class and play. More on the transition to daycare in our next post. And I've been working on a long, transition-to-Kindergarten, Elias-centric post so stay tuned for those updates soon!

4 daily affirmations for surviving baby #2

And just like that, baby #2 is almost 1!

1 month

As we approach this milestone (writing this on the eve of the one-year anniversary of her due date; she was, of course, 9 days late), I've been reflecting a lot on the transition from one kid to two which, I won't lie, was pretty rough at times. Things have definitely been more manageable over the past four or five months and now, of course, we seem to be moving at warp speed.

2 months

I look at Elias and for the first time in his 5 1/2 years I can honestly say I'd be totally content if time stopped now. Finally, when a stranger asks how old he is and their response is the usual, "Oh, what a fun age!" I can nod and agree. Which is not to say I haven't enjoyed him until now. I most definitely have. I've savored what's to savor about each stage. When we were in the thick of the shushing and the rocking with him, while maddening, especially at 2 am, I could appreciate the fact that at some point he would be too big physically to rock to sleep. But I've also always looked forward to the next chapter.

3 months

Indeed there were times, before Daphne came along, that I'd look at him and wonder how anyone had more than one kid. Seriously, how has the human race made it this far? But the fact is there are things about this parenting gig that get easier, or maybe just more enjoyable (and less physically exhausting), and before you know it biology kicks in and if there is any part of your sleep-deprived brain considering having more children, you're probably going to want to give it a go.

4 months

Enter Daphne. I knew I wanted another kid, but I wasn't so sure about the baby part. I had it pretty good before she came along, with Elias in preschool much of the week and my days more or less free to grow the business I started while I was home with him full-time during his first 18 months. I was sleeping pretty well most nights, so well that I purposely got up before dawn several mornings each week to train for a marathon. I enjoyed a few epic outings with my mama friends, confident that Neal could handle solo parenting for a day or even a weekend.

5 months

Having another baby, especially more than 4 1/2 years after my first, while absolutely something I wanted and planned and for which I am grateful every day, sent me screeching back to the starting point of all this motherhood stuff and it was a rough transition. People look at her now and comment on how happy and easy-going she is. And even in the thick of a major sleep regression (naps? who needs 'em! bedtime routine? no thanks! middle of the night wake-ups? yes, please!) I often feel like we hit the baby jackpot with her, especially once her sleep was under control (4 months, although she's never been a great napper) and she'd outgrown her reflux (8 months).

6 months

But newborns are newborns and the first four months of being a family of 4 was a serious adjustment period for us all, especially me. It's easy to look back and marvel at how quickly that time has passed, how it's all worth it, you know, how it's just a blip even in the first year of life, let alone an entire childhood. I recently started reading this book by Bryan Caplan - Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think. It doesn't make me want to have more kids necessarily, but it does help to ease some of my anxiety around the kids I already have!

7 months

But I didn't have this book before Daphne came along, or even during those first few months. I was stuck in the thick of it all, wiping up increasingly large and frequent puddles of spit-up, contemplating removing additional items from my diet for breastfeeding's sake, tempted by formula, holding Daphne for epic naps (I called them my "can't seem to put baby down kinda days") and feeling completely incapable of running a household, inefficient at parenting my other child, missing work, and ultimately wondering if I was suffering from postpartum depression with a capital PPD, or just having, as Neal put it one day around the 10 week mark, "a legitimate reaction to a crazy situation." In addition to getting a handle on sleep about six weeks later, the importance of which is something Caplan writes about quite a bit in his book, something that helped me get through this "crazy situation" was repeating four more things Neal wrote during that same smartphone "chat". Turns out my parenting partner in crime is pretty wise (shoot, he was dishing out pretty sound advice when baby #1 was just 8 weeks old - advice I revisited when baby #2 was around that age!) and I want to record these daily affirmations here because repeating them every day was truly helpful. Also, I don't want to forget how indeed "crazy" but also genuinely amazing and incredibly fleeting those first few months of a child's life can be (like the pregnant friends in Miranda July's film 'The Future' say, "it's a drag, but it's also amazing", or something like that...). Maybe they'll help another struggling mama scanning her iPhone while nursing a newborn at 3 am appreciate the moment but not get stuck there. Here they are:

8 months

1. It's temporary.

This advice is hardly new but demands repeating from time to time (and, for what it's worth, Neal sent me this key piece of advice via that 10-week email "chat" months before the same sentiment showed up on Huffington Post). Sarah Reinhart wrote a lovely article about "The Four Most Devastating and Uplifting Words" - in her case, she went with "this is only temporary." Frankly, I think the contracted two above suffice, especially since the devastating part can take years to sink in (read the part about the 5 1/2 year old again, above). When you're weathering another sleepless night with a cranky newborn, it's the uplifting part of "it's temporary" that will get you through. You can worry about the devastating side of that parenting coin later, when your baby starts Kindergarten, for example.

9 months

2. It's not 100% under your control (or even 50%).

You often hear about how having 3 kids is hard but 4 or 5 seems less stressful and this is why. It's like an optical illusion of parenting. How on earth can more kids seem easier? Because with each additional child, you relinquish a little more of that illusion of control. You never really had everything under control even with just one or two kids, but by the third baby it finally dawns on you that in order to survive, you're going to have to let go of this one. If you can master this one with baby #2 or even with your first kid, even better.

10 months

3. It's not your fault. You're a great, caring mom who is trying her best.

I attended a free weekly parenting group (technically a breastfeeding support group) offered by the hospital where Daphne was born from the time she was 4 weeks until about 7 months, when our insurance changed, and when I'd share my daily affirmations with a struggling mom attending for the first time, this is the one that got the tears flowing. This parenting gig is so challenging, especially, it seems, on new moms. Even once you get to daily affirmation #2 and you tell yourself the situation is mostly out of your control, somehow you still find ways to blame yourself. Mama guilt. It's something you did or didn't do during pregnancy, or maybe it's something you ate. Was it something you had two hours ago or eight? I mean, honestly, the list goes on and the cycle of mama guilt is maddening. I've heard otherwise rational women ponder the craziest of reasons why their babies are fussy, aren't nursing well, aren't sleeping well, but the fact is just by making it to "group" as I called it (definitely a little like therapy), and putting these questions out there, I could assure these new moms that they were good moms, doing their absolute best to get through an incredibly challenging experience. Don't fall into the martyr trap.

11 months

4. Find support.

Finally, Neal wrote something along the lines of, "you have my support to do whatever you need to do to cope." By simply listening and offering some really sound advice, I had the support of my husband to get through this. I'd often ask him, was I like this with Elias? I don't remember feeling like this with Elias. I'd freak out a little because I survived baby #1's infancy, obviously, but if Daphne was somehow different, somehow more challenging, how did I know I could get through it?? But Neal reassured me, in an odd way, that yes, I was just like this when my first was a newborn. I just don't remember. Ha! Things are indeed different the second time around, though, and that's why I think the support element was even more important but also a little more challenging. Because we have always had this other child to take care of, I haven't had as much of a break this time around. Neal is usually either working or busy with Elias. And since I decided to take the entire first year off, our budget has been pretty tight. There's not a lot of wiggle room for a nanny, a babysitter, or a mother's helper. Nor do we have any family members nearby who might stop by in a pinch or provide me with a regular break. Hopefully your situation is different and you have more resources, either family or financial, to seek out the support you will need to get through this. When people offer help, take it. And if you can afford it, outsource. Hire a housekeeper, even temporarily. Stock up on heat-and-serve dinners at Costco. Seek out a mother's helper so you can "turn off" for a few hours each week, and fall back on your family as much as you can. In the end our idea to hire a babysitter once a week when Daphne hit the 7-month mark fell through for various reasons, and we've muddled through (Daphne starts part-time daycare in less than two weeks!), but we did hire a guy to do yard work once a month and that alone saved a little of our sanity. Returning home with both kids to a front yard that looked reasonably tidy was a lifesaver at times. Entering a messy kitchen and beyond was another story but we survived. Work with what you have, outsource what you can, and don't feel guilty for doing so.

Now, back to planning baby #2's 1st birthday bash because, yes, we'll be celebrating that milestone!