Happy Picture Day!

Today is picture day at Elias' school! We devoted portions of the past week to getting his hair cut, shopping for a new button-down shirt, and practicing his "natural smile." To be fair, last year's picture wasn't half bad. You can't go wrong with a crisp button-down shirt and a buzz cut. But his smile does look forced (especially compared to the more candid shots his preschool's photographer captured the year before). Combine that with some seriously disheveled locks and I suppose that's enough to send a decent percentage of the school's parents into a tizzy, emailing recommendations for new photographers for next year and just generally commiserating with one another over awkward results. I wonder how many of those parents were more satisfied with their retakes a couple of months later? As it was, I figured Elias' first try was probably about as good as it was gonna get. I look back on it now and I think, yeah, that's a pretty fair representation of a 5 year old just weeks into his first year of "real school." At least he still had all his teeth.

And apparently not enough parents felt riled up enough to do anything about it beyond virtually voicing their dissatisfaction because when information came home about picture day this year, the same company was listed as last year. I'm pretty sure it's the same photographers who took our pictures in the 70s and 80s! Anyway, I fret over a lot of parenting stuff, don't get me wrong, but Picture Day is pretty low on the list of things that keeps me up at night. That said, when I learned this morning that my weekly volunteer time today would overlap with the classroom's slot, I'll admit I was a little relieved (fortunate to be able to fulfill my duties as SAHM to 20 month old Daphne and spend about 45 minutes in the classroom each Friday ... so, no, I'm not exactly crazy mom).

Great, I thought, I'll be able to make sure his shirt collar's not flipped up and smooth down any rogue strands of bedhead. After all, Friday mornings begin with an hour of P.E. Then they have recess. And then they have snack. I mean, seriously, can you imagine hitting the gym, then, I don't know, whatever the adult equivalent of playing with friends for 20 minutes is, then eating, before going directly into a photo session?! Whatever your kid looked like at drop-off, I can guarantee you that's not how they're going to look after all that, over 2 hours later! So I did my best to fuss with all the kids, straightening out shirt collars, suggesting the removal of outerwear like jackets with clashing animal patterns, handing out combs to brush bangs to one side or another, and distributing wipes to remove any lingering crumbs from fake smiles.


Even so, the one-minute walk to the auditorium, the several minutes of waiting and fidgeting in line, not to mention the few seconds the photographer had his back turned after carefully positioning each kid was enough to turn the freshly coiffed 1st grader into a disheveled ragamuffin! It was kind of incredible, actually, and adorably hilarious, like Lord Business trying to position Ma and Pa during the bad cop kragle scene. "All I'm asking for is total perfection!" Basically. I mean, really, what kid stands with their feet in first position, their hands casually in their pockets, and their chin pointed ever so slightly downward? I witnessed this poor photographer trying valiantly to get my kid to hold this position for 30 seconds! That's it! But each time he turned away - the second he turned his back! - Elias straightened up, looked at the lights and umbrellas instead of at the camera lens, chin up, and even from the side I could tell he was sporting the same fake smile as last year.

Sigh.

I don't know what the moral to this story is. I'm sure my son's school could find a better photographer, one a little more successful, perhaps, in capturing kids' adorableness in a more natural setting. But in a public school situation where picture day is a factory operation, I think the results aren't half bad! I purchased the biggest package for a little over $50 - with a coupon, but still. You can certainly opt out and hire a private photographer, right? This is a little like moms spending hundreds of dollars to cut and color their own hair then balking at the $20 the kids' haircut place charges. We've taken few professional photos, but I'm guessing they're pretty pricey. For fifty bucks tops, messy hair and a fake smile may just be as good as it gets. After all, sane parenting is all about managing expectations, right?