20 months

Other than two ear infections (or rather one particularly bad ear infection that took two rounds of antibiotics to clear up), one stomach bug, and his first fight, Elias's 20th month was marked by a strong preference for Daddy.  Which was bad timing as Neal was out of town for almost a week right after the ear infection developed.  Ironically that was probably our best week together, maybe because he knew he didn't have a choice in parents.  Things have been better over the past week or so but being passed over for another has been really difficult for me.  I'm sure it's always difficult when your kid would prefer someone else over you but I think as a mother I just wasn't expecting it, at least not yet.  Obviously, I'm thrilled Elias has such a great time with his Dad but there were several times I was brought to tears because he expressed his preference for Neal over me.  I'm not the first gal to blog about how difficult motherhood is but sometimes it dawns on me how much of that difficulty is self-imposed.  Do I really want to be Elias's first choice every time? Maybe I should just enjoy the break and know that Elias still loves me (and accept the fact that he's probably not going to show me gratitude for all the hard work and sacrifice for a long, long time).  But, no, I instead try to figure out what it is I'm doing wrong as a mother.  Is it a coincidence that this Daddy phase began shortly after Elias began part-time daycare?  Does he feel I've abandoned him?  Is it because some days after I drop him off at daycare, get back in the car, and promptly turn off the Music Together CD, I go "woo hoo!" inside?  Can he sense that? 

Maybe it's because Neal and a fellow father friend have started almost weekly playdates, giving me a couple of quiet hours of freedom most Sunday mornings (during which I usually clean, I might add).  Now that it seems to have passed of course it's easy to look back and say of course it was probably just a phase, mostly unrelated to everything else going on over the past couple of months.  But at the time I have to say it really played on that pesky mommy guilt.

Otherwise, Elias continues to add words to his vocabulary; it seems like he says a new word or two every day although sometimes he's quick to mimic something we say and then we don't hear it again for awhile.  He's only just started to occasionally put two or three sounds or words together but it's still mostly one-word communication with him.  And after plateauing at "yellow" and "nine" weeks ago, we've been trying to work in more colors and numbers just about any chance we get.  He knows a lot of animal sounds (but only calls one animal by name - owls) and refers to the cats by the sound he seems to think they make: blum blum.

Those are the highlights of month 20, which I managed to record with a whopping five days until Elias finishes up his 21st month!  Wow, when did this blogging thing get to be so tricky? (On the other hand, I guess I don't need to keep up with these monthly updates indefinitely, right? "216 months: high school graduation...")