between a rock and a hard place

But let me begin on a positive note.  The family and I traveled north to Bend, Oregon to visit my Dad and Grandma for Thanksgiving and the trip was a huge success as far as Elias was concerned.  He was a bit crankier than usual here and there and did fight bedtime a couple of nights but the boy napped!  Can you believe it?!  In his pack 'n' play!  In a guest room!  For a couple of hours at a time!  And although he did resist nighttime sleep, once we successfully got him to bed, he slept pretty well through the night, occasionally requiring some reassurance from Mom and Dad, sleeping on a futon in the same room, but otherwise allowing all of us to sleep better than we have in months.  Pictures from the trip to follow.

The bad news is Elias has officially been expelled from his first daycare experience.  Turns out one day of daycare per week works better on paper than in reality.  The first day I picked him up after lunch and the daycare provider sang his praises, marveling at what an easy kid he was, how he barely noticed I was gone, just saying "Mommy" a few times throughout the morning, but otherwise playing happily with the other kids and eating like the growing boy he is.  The second week was our first full day and the provider's first attempt at an afternoon nap.  It didn't go too well but in the end he napped for about an hour and a half for her, which I found pretty amazing. 

But it was all downhill from there.  Elias picked up a cold the first day, either from daycare or the weekend immediately before that first day, and he still has a bit of chest congestion, a month later.  If you're a regular reader you know that he has a ridiculously sensitive gag reflex - coughing fits during past colds have prompted more than one barfing incident.  Combine that with just generally being pissed off and Elias paired vomiting with his weapon of choice: resisting sleep like it's nobody's business.  Fast forward three weeks and we're pretty much back to where we started, having only succeeded in thoroughly traumatizing both mother and child. 

To be fair to the provider, I think she would have been on board with getting through this if Elias was there more than one or two days a week.  It seems like every kid goes through a rough patch when transitioning to daycare, but when it only happens once a week that transition is bound to take a lot longer.  And the thing is, as a parent, after over 17 months of being practically connected at the hip, once you've experienced that kind of freedom and return to adult life for a few hours during the day, it's hard to go back.  And November was a busy month for me, professionally speaking.  Granted my work and income is bound to be unsteady in the coming months, but I think we've all decided (I guess I can't really speak for Elias, though, can I?) that we'll resume the search for three days a week (or half-days, avoiding the nap issue altogether), cautiously optimistic that I'll continue to have enough orders to make up the difference. 

I learned a lot this past month and will definitely go into future daycare interviews and tours with a different approach and brutal honesty.  The experience was mostly upsetting but also a tiny bit validating.  The past few months have been rough as far as Elias's sleep and recent cranky toddler behavior go and for awhile there I was just overwhelmed with feelings of guilt that I could complain about an otherwise laidback, fun little guy who waves at complete strangers at the grocery store.  Of course, it's not the kind of validation I want - I never imagined Elias would be the kind of kid that would be refused daycare and I still feel like he has the potential to be the kind of kid someone would want to watch.  He's got a lot of things going for him and hopefully with a more consistent schedule and a better match, he'll warm up to the idea of someone else taking care of him every now and then.