sleep strike

Like photographing an elusive big cat in the wild, these pictures show Elias enjoying an epic nap about a month ago, when he was recovering from the first leg of a two-part ear infection.  Sadly, it seems Elias has to be drugged in order to get in a good afternoon nap these days, which shouldn't really be surprising, I guess (just incredibly frustrating), from the baby who fought multiple daytime naps as early as five months.  When he transitioned from two naps to one shortly after our move back to California last summer he seemed to finally hit his nap stride, becoming the champion of the two to three-hour afternoon siesta.  You can't help but get used to that kind of thing. 

As I expected they would the afternoon naps have shortened in duration over the past eight months and he still throws a curve ball my way once every few weeks, refusing to nap altogether, but for the most part, so long as I put him down by about 1:15, I can usually get at least an hour of afternoon quiet time.  Even when he refuses to nap lately, there's usually some explanation: a catnap in the car on the way home for lunch, a diaper situation that prevents him from falling asleep in time, missing that magical nap window, etc.  But in the past week or so, he's only taken one solid nap at home (he still seems to do pretty well at daycare - a bad nap day is when she only gets about an hour out of him).  This troubles me, for starters, because he's so young.  I don't expect this kid to nap past the age of three when even the sleepiest of toddlers begin to throw in a no-nap day from time to time. But he's not even two yet!  Secondly, if his night sleep were golden, I'd be a little more understanding (funny how sleep and patience go hand in hand like that).  He takes forever to fall asleep most nights, babbling sometimes a full hour and a half after we put him down, cries out at least once a night most nights (not always requiring a parental visit but always waking me up), and waking up before 6 a.m.  So he's only getting about 9-10 hours of sleep.  Total.  That can't be good. For anyone.

21 months

After about the 18 month mark whenever people ask how old Elias is, since, unlike previously I can't seem to rattle off his exact age in months, weeks, and days, I've noticed I've started saying he's "almost two" every now and then.  I know his birthday is still three months away, but my "baby guy," as I call him, really is starting to look and act the part of little boy.

Take, for example, various staple outings that can be downright tedious when you have to constantly hover around your novice walker.  The playgrounds designed for the 2 to 5 set really do get to be a lot more fun as your kid approaches that age range. 

Certain play areas, like Berkeley's Totland, still seem like work to Elias, as he very seriously moves from one push toy to the next (and, while varying in length and severity, getting him to leave always ends in a tantrum).

Even at Totland, though, it was a pretty exciting development when Elias figured out how to use his legs to push himself around on the various bikes and cars.  And our most recent visit to Children's Fairyland a couple of weeks ago was my most enjoyable time there with Elias.

We're still having issues with the aimless wandering and refusal to both hold hands or sit in the stroller (Remember that cat herding commercial a few years ago? Yeah, it's kinda like that...) but it does seem like overall things have improved ever so slightly in that department.  And it helps that on this particular visit we were better about letting Elias pick the route and set the pace.

Elias continues to add words to his vocabulary including Grandma (which sounds like "gamma"), just in time for a recent visit and to her utter delight, of course.  He continues to ask for her (equating her recent visit with weekends in general, I think) and points to the extra chair at the table where she sits when she visits.

Another new experience last month was Elias's first ride on the subway, a budding interest falling under his general fascination with trains.   Elias experiences a range of emotions as you can see in the following series of images, from anticipation, to fear, to desire (signing "more" in the last image, which I think actually came before the previous three but Neal reports that he was indeed asking for more after these pictures were taken).

20 months

Other than two ear infections (or rather one particularly bad ear infection that took two rounds of antibiotics to clear up), one stomach bug, and his first fight, Elias's 20th month was marked by a strong preference for Daddy.  Which was bad timing as Neal was out of town for almost a week right after the ear infection developed.  Ironically that was probably our best week together, maybe because he knew he didn't have a choice in parents.  Things have been better over the past week or so but being passed over for another has been really difficult for me.  I'm sure it's always difficult when your kid would prefer someone else over you but I think as a mother I just wasn't expecting it, at least not yet.  Obviously, I'm thrilled Elias has such a great time with his Dad but there were several times I was brought to tears because he expressed his preference for Neal over me.  I'm not the first gal to blog about how difficult motherhood is but sometimes it dawns on me how much of that difficulty is self-imposed.  Do I really want to be Elias's first choice every time? Maybe I should just enjoy the break and know that Elias still loves me (and accept the fact that he's probably not going to show me gratitude for all the hard work and sacrifice for a long, long time).  But, no, I instead try to figure out what it is I'm doing wrong as a mother.  Is it a coincidence that this Daddy phase began shortly after Elias began part-time daycare?  Does he feel I've abandoned him?  Is it because some days after I drop him off at daycare, get back in the car, and promptly turn off the Music Together CD, I go "woo hoo!" inside?  Can he sense that? 

Maybe it's because Neal and a fellow father friend have started almost weekly playdates, giving me a couple of quiet hours of freedom most Sunday mornings (during which I usually clean, I might add).  Now that it seems to have passed of course it's easy to look back and say of course it was probably just a phase, mostly unrelated to everything else going on over the past couple of months.  But at the time I have to say it really played on that pesky mommy guilt.

Otherwise, Elias continues to add words to his vocabulary; it seems like he says a new word or two every day although sometimes he's quick to mimic something we say and then we don't hear it again for awhile.  He's only just started to occasionally put two or three sounds or words together but it's still mostly one-word communication with him.  And after plateauing at "yellow" and "nine" weeks ago, we've been trying to work in more colors and numbers just about any chance we get.  He knows a lot of animal sounds (but only calls one animal by name - owls) and refers to the cats by the sound he seems to think they make: blum blum.

Those are the highlights of month 20, which I managed to record with a whopping five days until Elias finishes up his 21st month!  Wow, when did this blogging thing get to be so tricky? (On the other hand, I guess I don't need to keep up with these monthly updates indefinitely, right? "216 months: high school graduation...")