approaching double digits

The place where my mom's group meets has a baby scale. I've been tempted to weigh Elias before and after eating just to see how much he's actually getting, breastfeeding being a total mystery in that regard, but I've restrained myself over the past few weeks to just a simple weigh-in to tide me over each week until our next scheduled pediatrician appointment. I wonder, though, how many new parents break down and buy the insanely priced scales in order to keep a closer eye on their baby's weight.

Anyway, this morning Elias weighed in somewhere between 9 pounds 10 1/2 and 12 1/2 ounces. He was a bit fussy and squirmy so it never settled on a number. So I'd say he's gained around 9 ounces in the past week, give or take. I have noticed he really seems to be filling out in the cheeks and thighs in particular over the past few days. He certainly feels heavier. And his wardrobe is constantly expanding to include more and more of his 0-3 month clothes.

It's funny how you obsess over your baby's weight. Is it just the first few months or does this continue into the teenage years? Why do people coo over downright fat babies? Several women mentioned today how he really seemed to be filling out, whereas last week I continued to get comments on how tiny he was. I guess if your baby came into this world between 9 and 10 pounds he would seem tiny. It does seem like it's the gargantuan babies in my mom's group who get a lot of attention. There's one baby in the group who's just a week or so older than Elias and he weighs 15 pounds. 15 pounds!

Speaking of which, I have to admit I'm not enjoying the mom's group as much as I hoped I would. I think part of the problem is most of the babies in the group were 6-8 weeks old to begin with (Elias wasn't even 3 weeks old when we first met), even though they recommend beginning the group when your baby is between 2 and 6 weeks old. There's a big difference between a 3 week old and a 6-8 week old and I feel like the conversations continue to revolve around developments in the older babies' lives each week, the facilitator of the group looking to the two or three of us moms with younger babies and assuring us that we shouldn't necessarily expect our babies to be doing a given thing or acting a certain way just yet. Which is helpful for the future, I guess, assuming I can retain all this information. And Elias did pretty well this morning but most weeks he's been either eating, sleeping, or fussing, while many of the other babies seem content to lay propped up on their boppy pillows, doing very little or being used as a model for infant massage. Since Elias was fairly content this morning I had more time than usual to observe the other moms and babies and I noticed that today at least, the girl babies were laying around like content little blobs while it was primarily the little boys in the group who were active, squirmy, and most likely to be fussing at any given moment. Coincidence?

In other news, the baby Zantac does seem to be helping...a little bit. I think I noticed the most improvement over the weekend, but this week he's continued to have bouts of some pretty impressive spit-up, accompanied by the much less desirable fussing. For the most part, it does seem like he's less irritated by the spitting up, but I don't think the drugs are necessarily the perfect answer to our problems. We have a follow-up tomorrow morning so I'm eager to discuss options with our pedi. One thing I discovered in researching reflux, however, is that many of the symptoms are also associated with a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. After nursing on just one side per feeding for a couple of weeks, I started "offering" the second breast a couple of weeks ago. I forget exactly why or what changed, but I began sort of arbitrarily switching after about 15 minutes. So it's very likely that Elias has been getting a lot of the foremilk and less of the fattier, more filling hindmilk. In other words, a higher volume, lower calorie meal, meaning more volume control is needed (i.e. spit-up) and less satisfaction gained between feedings. In addition to the symptoms being similar, the main thing that clued me into this possibility is that his poopy diapers were occasionally mustard yellow in color but more often a bit green, indicating the milk might be going through his system a bit quicker than if he were getting more hindmilk. Granted, some people say you can read too much into the whole foremilk/hindmilk relationship, but hey, I'm willing to give anything a try to keep the boy content (happy baby equals happy mama, after all). So he's back to being a one breast baby, for now at least. The first "finish the first breast" feeding took over 30 minutes but he seems to be getting a little more efficient in the past couple of days since I made the switch. Also, I notice he's popping himself off more instead of lingering there, using me as a human pacifier, something he rarely did when he dined on both breasts in one feeding. It's obviously a lot easier to tell he's satisfied if he's the one to call it quits. And his poopy diapers have been more yellow than green, which is pretty pleasing, let me tell you. Anyway, it's nice when you start to figure things out, but it just goes to show you, breastfeeding really hasn't gotten any easier, even approaching the magical 6-week mark. Sure, he's latching on and I've got positioning down, but there are so many nuances to this method of feeding. There have been moments during the past week or so, dealing with this reflux issue, where I've secretly hoped the problem would turn out to be a milk allergy so we could just switch to soy formula. More time between feedings, more likely to sleep longer during the night, no wrestling the wild animal that is a hungry, squirmy little baby (why this happens with the breast and not the bottle is beyond me), no more annoying nursing bras, no nudity during feeding (unless you want to be naked), no worries about that margarita Mama would really like to have...But don't go calling La Leche League. Especially after all this hard work and meeting with a lactation consultant, calling friends of friends to share experiences, I'm sticking with it, unless I have good reason not to. But it's like one of the pediatrician's at our doctor's office said, everyone wants you to breastfeed, but nobody wants to do it for you. All I'm saying is the pressure to breastfeed is intense.

But ending on a positive note, we began giving Elias one bottle of liquid gold each day, in preparation for the fall, when breast and baby will be apart for about a day and a half each week. Taking a bottle doesn't seem to be an issue for Elias, I guess because he had those bottle supplements early on. So Neal now administers the first meal of the day (not the middle of the night feeding(s); I still handle those) while I pump and take a shower, something that seems impossible to accomplish once the day gets going. Starting off the day clean sure is nice, and the bottle feeding gives the day some semblance of a routine, at least starting off.

Mr. Fussypants

...is 5 weeks and one day old today. It dawned on me that I only ever post pics taken during the "quiet alert" periods of a given day. This is the face Elias likes to wear during other times, accompanied by various cries that aren't as easy to decipher as the books and dvds lead you to believe. I can usually pick out the "I'm hungry" cry, which sounds more like "meh" than "neh" to me, but I'm usually pretty confident it's food he wants when I hear that one. Otherwise, who knows what this kid needs sometimes?

On a related note, the fussiness accompanied by and seemingly caused by the episodes of spitting up have seemed to get worse in the past week. On Thursday and Friday he had particularly bad 2-3 hour stretches when he'd spit up a fair amount half a dozen or so times after each feeding. Before this week he seemed like a more or less "happy spitter." The fussiness seemed like a separate development. Doctors and lactation consultants are fond of saying spitting up is just a laundry problem. And I'm fine with doing laundry every day - going through the dozen or so cloth diapers and shoulder burp cloths that we have on hand in 8 feedings or less. But it was the obvious discomfort he seemed to be in that sent me to the pedi yet again, coming home this time with a prescription for baby Zantac. I have mixed feelings about this course of action, but all of the other tactics we've employed over the past three or so weeks have clearly not been working. If anything, things have seemed to get worse. And he does seem to be doing and feeling better in the couple of days he's been on his meds. Hopefully this will do the trick and we can wean him off the drugs once his body has worked out these kinks, which usually happens somewhere between 3 and 6 months. Fortunately, he continues to gain weight at a good rate, up to almost 9 pounds as of Friday's appointment.

Otherwise, he does seem to be developing a somewhat predictable routine. It's likely to change, of course, but he's been pretty consistently conking out after a final feeding around 8 or 9. He sleeps until about 1:30 or 2 and occasionally falls right back asleep until somewhere between 5:30 and 7. Usually, it takes a bit of work to get him back to bed, sometimes as long as a couple of hours. Either way, he tends to wake up around the same time in the morning. He's good for about one longer nap during the day. Other than the occasional cat nap here and there, on the shoulder after a feeding or in the car seat, for example, he's pretty much awake most of the day, eating, hangin' out on the play mat, vibrating in the bouncy seat, listening to music (I tend to play the kid CDs we've received as gifts; his father prefers the likes of Prince and They Might Be Giants), having his diaper changed, etc. And sucking on just about anything he can get into his mouth.

one month

Okay, so we actually took this photo yesterday, when Elias was officially one month and one day old, but close enough. Also, we're totally copying friends of ours who've taken monthly photos of their little boy next to the same object each month; it's been great to watch him grow in comparison. We don't have any objects quite as nifty that are big enough to do the trick, and I figure he can hold the guitar once he gets to the toddler years.

smiles

It's been a trying morning (Elias refuses to nap, even though I'm pretty certain he's fussy because he's tired, all of the other needs having been met. Since finally getting him to sleep and swaddling him - about 10 minutes ago - I had time to finally go to the bathroom and put the last couple of diapers in the diaper champ. He's now wide awake, staring at the bear mobile in his bassinet. Maybe he'll fall back asleep on his own...) so it's nice to have a moment to post these pics:

4 weeks

It's hard to believe Elias is nearly a month old. New this week:


Modified "tummy time" on the boppy pillow. He does pretty well propped up on one leg, too.


The front hold has recently been discovered to fairly instantly calm a fussy baby, even encouraging the occasional power nap.


Dad can wear the baby, too, giving Mom some truly hands-free time. We've also introduced infant massage after baths and here and there throughout the day (changing the diaper provides the occasional foot massage opportunity) and continue to get some great smiles, none of which we've had much luck documenting. But let me tell you, after these first few crazy weeks, getting a smile from him is a truly sweet reward!

diggin' the Moby wrap

Elias is having another fussy, spit-up-y day today but within seconds of beginning to squeeze him into the just received (guess we should wash it, huh?) Moby wrap (newborn hug hold pictured here), he was calm and quiet. I never thought I'd be a "babywearer" but the boy likes to be held upright and this allows me to do it hands-free. Plus, staying upright like so is supposed to help as his little body continues to work out any digestive kinks over the next couple of months. Other positions to try include the cradle hold (although so far that's the position to put him in if you want to hear him scream), the hug hold (a lot like what he's enjoying right now), and the kangaroo hold (good for skin-to-skin). Front-facing positions will come later, of course. He still seems too small for the front carrier we have and I have to say, so far at least, I like having him close and snug. I guess my only concern is the sleepy state it seems to induce - am I going to be paying for this tonight?

In other news, here we are reading a book about colors:


Notice one of our "fur-babies", Sophie, on the floor next to us. I hate to admit it, but I'm having a hard time finding the time or desire to show them much love. Thankfully, Neal seems to manage to give them attention on a daily basis, not to mention feed them and check their litterbox. It's hard to have so many little creatures to take care of...

And here's evidence of an early smile.


He's given me some really great, undeniably voluntary smiles the past few days, but it's tough to document. I'd rather just enjoy them as they happen for now but I'm sure we'll have a few recorded in no time.

making progress

Elias and I met with the lactation consultant for, hopefully, the last time this morning. I've heard of moms and babies using the nipple shields for anywhere from a couple of weeks to several months, but I've been feeling impatient since about a week in. Several times over the past few days, usually out of frustration with trying to get or keep the thing on, I've tried nursing without it and he usually seems to do pretty well. So my goal this morning was to at least discuss an exit plan; how do I begin to get this kid off his training wheels? We did a feeding sans shield and in about 17 or 18 minutes he got 2.3 ounces. She seemed pretty pleased with that and her official recommendation was to keep doing what we're doing, keeping the shields on hand for when he doesn't seem to be latching well, we're both running low on patience, etc. Our next challenge will be to do all this in public. I'd like to feel like I can go on an outing with him without having to worry about being back home in our elaborate set-up for the next feeding.

After that we stopped at Whole Foods for some probiotics. Elias has developed quite a spit-up habit. It's hard to know what's normal and what's cause for concern, but it does seem like an awful lot isn't staying down at times. Our pediatrician recommended we try the probiotics and if that fails, there's always prescription drugs for acid reflux, which of course I'd like to avoid if possible. His fussiness lately does seem to be connected to digestion, though, so we'll see if this works and go from there. The other thing I've heard helps with babies with reflux is keeping them upright, which we do for at least 10 minutes after every feeding, but the arms do tend to get tired after awhile. I'd been eyeing the Moby wrap anyway so we ordered one and will give it a try when it arrives sometime next week. I've decided to take back the other sling we purchased soon after he was born after several unsuccessful attempts; he's almost big enough to comfortably fit in the front carrier we have, but disliked our first attempt at that just as much. I hope we have more success with the Moby wrap!


If so, that means I can take him on walks without the entire carseat/snap 'n' go setup. We went for another long walk this weekend - not only does it feel great to get out, but it does wonders for my energy level!

3 weeks

Elias will be three weeks old as of about 11:14 tonight. He weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds yesterday during his weekly weight check (our next regular appointment, as a result, will be at the 2-month mark...although I'm bound to at least have questions for the phone triage nurse before then). That's a gain of 2 pounds in 2 weeks! And he's grown an inch and a quarter, give or take. Hitting the 8 pound mark seems like such a milestone to me, for some reason. Something about being officially out of those "newborn" clothes and diapers and officially in all things that begin at 8 pounds.

People keep telling me you'll see improvement in threes - at three weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, and so on. Neal and I are convinced that nothing actually changes at 3 weeks, but you're more likely to get a smile for it. Elias has been smiling in his sleep since birth and although all the books say it shouldn't happen voluntarily until about a month, we're both pretty certain he's given us the real deal at least a couple of times in the past few days. You have to work for it, that's for sure, but it is definitely rewarding. I'll be sure to post evidence as soon as it's happening frequently enough to document.

Additionally, I probably slept the longest last night than I have in the past three weeks. He was wide awake - and then fussy - after his 9 p.m.-ish feeding. Neal and I took turns holding him until about 10:30. I was so physically tired I couldn't pull myself out of bed to bounce him any longer so I told Neal to snuggle him up next to me. With the help of a pacifier he was out in about 15 minutes. I performed the super swaddle on him and he slept for about 5 hours! Which of course totally freaked me out, especially considering it had been another hour before then that he'd eaten. Kid, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. If he wakes up frequently, I worry he's not getting enough - food or sleep. But if he sleeps longer than three hours, I wonder why and still worry he's not getting enough. I worry the super swaddle is too effective, constricting his will to wake up and demand his grub. Anyway, once he was up he stayed up for a couple of hours. We tried the same tactic and it worked again, although he stayed in bed this time for a couple more hours of sleep. I'm not going to get used to this unusual pattern, but on the other hand, maybe he really was going through a growth spurt during much of this week, when he was eating every hour and a half to three hours. 'Til the next cycle...

the full dunk

It's been a busy couple of days. Last night, Elias enjoyed his first tub bath. He actually seemed to enjoy being immersed in water, but I found it oddly more awkward than the sponge bath we'd been giving him up to this point. He kept slipping down and I felt like I couldn't really get to all the nooks and crannies as well as I could via the sponge version. He also spit up during the bath and peed while we were trying to dry him off, resulting in a second dunk. He was incredibly calm after, though, enjoying a snack before nodding off around 10 or so and sleeping until a little after 1 this morning.


Like the past couple of nights before, we had a hard time settling him down after that 1ish feeding. I think the super swaddle I learned at my very first Mom's group meeting this morning might help. He didn't seem to like - or need, really - the tight swaddle early on, preferring his upper extremities to be free. But the past couple of weeks I've definitely noticed an increase in the flailing arms and legs being a problem, waking him up and making for a very fussy baby. And the blanket is really light-weight, so I think it'll work even in the warm, humid weather we've been enjoying lately here in Boston.

Otherwise, the Mom's group went well but I was a little more flustered than I thought I'd be, particularly since Elias was ready to eat just as we arrived. I brought all my gear and a back-up bottle, just in case. There were many an exposed breast even during this first meeting, so that wasn't the problem. But getting the nipple shield to stay on and handling a very squirmy baby without Neal's help proved too frustrating for us both. In the end I gave him the bottle - as I noticed a lot of other Moms were doing, too - and then nursed as soon as we got home. And then pumped! Phew...Much better. Anyway, Elias is the youngest in the group, by a couple of days. It's encouraging seeing all these 5 and 6 week old babies and hearing their mothers talk about how it's been getting easier every week. And I do feel better even in the past day or so. I don't know if my hormones are finally leveling out or what, but I feel much less anxious about everything, even if my first attempt to nurse in public was a disaster. Neal and I managed to clean the apartment during an afternoon nap yesterday. And getting out really helps. I have this fantasy of taking Elias along on a grocery run (it's been awhile) and/or a walk later, after the height of the afternoon heat passes. Okay, so I've yet to take a shower, but you can only expect to get so much done each day!

first 4th

Yes, I know I should be sleeping while Elias is (finally!) napping. I did take advantage of a shorter nap earlier this morning but now that he's out again I find I'm wide awake. So I thought I'd just post a quick update to note that he continues to gain weight at a good rate. At our follow-up with the lactation consultant yesterday he weighed in at 7 pounds 9 1/2 ounces; later that afternoon we took him to the pediatrician for a case of the goopy eye (a few applications of eye ointment have already mostly cleared up the conjunctivitis, which I think might have been brought on by suddenly freed hands after we finally got up the nerve to clip his fingernails...the hands still go straight for the face, though) where he registered 7 pounds 9 ounces on their scale. So that's a gain of 2 1/2 ounces between Saturday and Monday. I'm still, to be honest, incredibly frustrated with breastfeeding, but we are mostly off the bottle supplements, just nursing with the shields. So that's good, but I look forward to the day when I can start weaning him off the shields. They're fairly tedious, especially when I've been advised to offer both sides during each feeding. How will I ever feed this kid in public?! I'm not sure my nursing cover is sufficient to discreetly carry out this elaborate production.

Otherwise, he continues to be a very awake and alert baby. He usually has one good three or four hour stretch of sleep at night, which has moved up from 11 or so to about 9 p.m. Needless to say we've been going to bed as soon as he does. The last couple of nights, though, he hasn't really gone back to sleep all that well after a 1:30/2 a.m. feeding. He wakes up more often and in between he makes a lot of mysterious noises that keep me up, peering over the side of the bassinet more often than I should be. The 4th of July was probably our best day so far. He took three decent naps and spaced them out throughout the day, meaning Mom and Dad were much more rested and eager to welcome his alertness in between. We went for a long walk (a mile and a quarter feels long after several weeks of barely moving throughout the apartment!) and he even seemed to kind of enjoy yet another sponge bath later that evening. We've been given the go-head to administer the full dunk so I think we'll give that a go either today or tomorrow.

Here he is in an outfit that I thought was fitting for the holiday, although he was pretty much swimming in it.

no more sleepy baby

In the past few days, Elias has done a complete 180, staying awake for long stretches during the day. We no longer have to wake him for feedings; instead, he's often awake for the entire hour and a half to three hours before he starts getting hungry again. We were so worried about the wakefulness, accompanied by an unusual amount of fussiness a few days ago that we called the triage nurse at our pediatrician's office. She recommended we bring him in, just to be sure. They couldn't find anything wrong with him and the pediatrician said this is probably just a "blip." And not that I want him to necessarily sleep all the time. I guess I'm just surprised - I thought newborns were supposed to sleep more. And to be honest, it's hard to know what to do with a newborn for several hours straight.

Even so, our days are still pretty unpredictable, but nights have been consistent for a few days now. He finally conks out after a 9:30/10ish feeding. The last couple of nights he's slept for a solid 4-5 hour stretch before stirring again around 2:30. Then he's up again around 5 to eat and back asleep until about 8. At that point he seems sleepy after eating but ultimately stays awake. He was awake this morning until about 10:30 and he's been sleeping since he finished eating. Despite sleeping so well through the night, I'm still pretty beat by the time he's more or less up for the day, I think because I sleep so lightly, waking up and checking on him after every movement of a limb or sound he makes. And he's a pretty active, noisy sleeper. I guess if I could stay up after the 5 a.m. feeding that would give me enough time for a shower and breakfast. A daily nap and walk and I'd be just about set.

His weight on Wednesday was still 7 pounds 2 1/2 ounces. Different scales, of course. Initially I was concerned that his weight hasn't seemed to increase since our meeting with the lactation consultant on Monday, but if you take into account the fact that, according to the pediatrician's scale, he's gained 3 1/2 ounces between Saturday and Wednesday, he's well within the 1/2 to 1 ounce per day weight gain that they look for at this point. And he does seem to be at least filling out his "newborn" clothes. Some onesies are getting a little snug, even. That's exciting. We go in tomorrow morning for another weight check so I'll be anxious to see how much he's gained since Wednesday.

The feeding is going well. One of the doctors we saw on Wednesday had a theory that perhaps he's getting too much to eat, and might have a simple case of indigestion that's causing the wakeful fussiness, with the regimen of breast, supplemented by bottle, which he seems to gulp down no matter how long he nursed before that. He does seem to be doing a lot better at nursing - he'll usually nurse for about 15-20 minutes and the suck, swallow, downright gulping sounds have increased, while the little breaks he takes while latched on have decreased a bit. So I do think he's getting more than the ounce and a half he got at the lactation consultant's office. Not to mention the fact that even a few days of nursing, supplementing with a bottle, and then pumping - even through the night - had really started to wear me down. With that in mind, we decided to omit the bottle supplements yesterday to see how he did. I think he got one bottle supplement in the morning because he seemed hungry still but I'd just pumped. He seemed content and his diaper count was great. He slept a little more, but was still more or less wide awake between about 1:45 and 10 p.m. A little less fussy but still challenging to keep occupied for such a long time.

Whether or not we repeat this pattern today, we're definitely going for a walk. Mama's feeling pretty darn stir-crazy. Here's a shot from our first walk around the neighborhood a few days ago:


Even though he's a summer baby and we have the luxury of warmer weather to enjoy such walks, I wouldn't be surprised if some of the fussiness over the past few days was at least partly a result of the warmer, very humid weather. It's difficult to maintain a comfortable 75 or so in the apartment, even with a very noisy window AC. He doesn't care much for the tight swaddle and even the lighter legs-only swaddle we'd been using (he seems to do better with his upper limbs free) is just too warm. What to do with those flailing limbs? The adventure continues...

training wheels

What a difference a little professional help makes! The three of us met with a lactation consultant yesterday. I'm frankly a little surprised we've struggled this long with all the lactation consultants and nurses who watched over us as we attempted breastfeeding in the hospital. She took a look at me, took a look at Elias, prescribed a couple of "breast shields" and a regimen of breast, bottle, and pumping, and we were off. We also bought a different nursing pillow - the Breast Friend nursing pillow, which I highly recommend if you're in the market - and a better-fitting bra. If I could have I would have taken the chair we were sitting in! The "breast shields" should act as sort of training wheels for Elias, as we both take a little more time to learn. It's a bit exhausting, nursing for anywhere from 15 minutes to a half-hour will usually satisfy him, but we always have an ounce or so in a bottle as a back-up in case he needs to be "topped off." Once he's eaten and calmed back down, I whip out the pump for another 10 to 15 minutes and Neal usually washes everything up for the next round. During the day, of course, this just feels like my job. The nighttime feedings will be the challenging ones, I think. Especially after an evening like yesterday, when he was mostly up and somewhat fussy between 7 p.m. and midnight. Neal entertained him in another room so I could get an hour or so of sleep and after midnight I tried to do the bulk of the work. I can barely keep my eyes open by the time I get to the pump. But it's amazing how much an hour of sleep will do when you're so sleep-deprived.

So I'm feeling much better in the feeding department. We'll stick with the prescribed regimen through the weekend and meet with the consultant again on Monday. At our meeting yesterday, he weighed in at 7 pounds 2 1/2 ounces pre-feeding, so I think we must be doing something right. We also have another weight check with the pediatrician on Saturday, so that should be a good indication (in addition to keeping close track of wet and "poopy" diapers) of how we're doing.

Otherwise, I'm slowly but surely starting to feel a little more like myself. I shaved my legs today for the first time in months. It's not even a day-by-day thing, more like a two to three hour cycle. Some cycles go well and during others I feel like a wreck again, but I feel like I'm getting the hang of it and I'm enjoying watching Elias develop before our eyes. Even the past few evening episodes of fussiness are benchmarks to be noted.

As for what to do with your newborn during the fleeting periods when they're in that "quite alert" stage, we've been experimenting with our various diversions, including simply sitting and taking it all in against the versatile Boppy pillow:


Or swatting at plush monkeys on our playmat ("tummy time" is still a bit awkward for us):


And hanging out on a shoulder, exercising our neck muscles:


I tried the sling carrier yesterday (or was it the day before?) but couldn't quite get him in and get the sling adjusted before he started to fuss. I think I'll try again this afternoon, or maybe we'll buckle him into his snap 'n' go, because I think we could all use a walk and some fresh air. We're slowly moving out of the bedroom encampment, but spending some time outdoors still feels like quite a feat.